


Life, Love, and Robbie Rotten

by Gonads



Category: LazyTown, Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anal Fisting, Food Sex, M/M, Male Lactation, Oviposition, Racism, racism against elves, racism against everybody, racism against fairies, racism against skaters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-09-26 05:01:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9864032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gonads/pseuds/Gonads
Summary: Yuuri Katsuki didn't believe in angels. That is until a man with a cake fetish and purple suspenders waltzed into his life.





	1. I'm Blue (ba ba de ba ba die)

It’s over.

Yuuri Katsuki stared blankly at the ground. He had just made a total mockery of himself at the Grand Prix Finale.

Fuck

Yuuri bit his lip, barely stifling a sob. He had disappointed everyone. His family, his friends, and worst of all, his coach, Sportacus. Said sports elf was walking silently beside Yuuri, a stony expression set upon his usually cheerful face. They trudged down the seemingly endless hallway, neither bothering to make eye contact. Once the exit was in sight, the elf halted. Sportacus turned to his student, pain and disappointment evident in his gaze.

“Yuuri, we need to talk.”

The skater met his stare, eyes widening with confusion. 

“I don’t think I can be your coach anymore.”

Yuuri’s heart stopped. He looked into his beloved mentor’s cold blue eyes, searching for telltale signs of mischief. He found nothing but steely determination.

“Sp...Sportacus….”

“Listen, Yuuri..”

“You promised,” Yuuri whispered. He curled his hands into fists. “You promised you’d coach me until I retired.”

“Yuri…..”

“Are you seriously just going to leave me after everything we’ve been through?”

“Please….I”

“DOESN’T OUR LOVE MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU!?” 

The people around them ceased their talking. All eyes in the room were fixed on them. Yuuri couldn’t bring himself to care. Tears ran freely down his cheeks as he turned to face his former coach.

“Why...why are you doing this now? When I need you the most. I don’t understand…”

“Yuuri!” Sportacus snapped, blue eyes blazing. “There’s nothing else I can do for your skating career. Face it, you’re mediocre. You proved that with your abysmal performance tonight.”

“I...what..”

“You are incapable of winning! I see no further use in instructing someone so...pathetically bad at skating. You are making a mockery of everything I believe in. Just retire, for both of our sakes.”

And with that, the elf stormed out of the building. Yuuri fell to his knees. His coach, his best friend, his lover, had just left him. The crowd began to whisper amongst themselves. Whatever, Yuuri thought. Fuck them. Fuck my life.

A crisp, accented voice snapped Yuuri out of his thoughts. He turned around and there he was. Victor Nikiforov, the man of the hour, the man who had started Yuuri’s skating career. Before he could collect his thoughts, the man’s vibrant blue eyes zeroed in on him.

“Ah, a fan! Did you want to take a commemorative photo with me?”

Yuuri wanted to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woops
> 
> check out my tumblr   
> https://id-soup.tumblr.com/


	2. I fucking hate winter

Yuuri could still remember the day that Sportacus had decided to become his coach. He remembered seeing a mighty blue blimp in the sky, hovering far above the clouds. A rope was thrown down. The skater could only gawk as a man in blue slid down the rope like it was nothing. He watched in awe as the man somersaulted off the rope, doing a few extra flips in the air. No, not a man. An elf. And the most goddamn beautiful creature Yuuri had ever laid his eyes on. And that creature was standing right in front of him. “Yuuri, from this day forth I, Sportacus, shall be your coach!” Yuuri fell in love right then and there.

Now, however, Yuuri just saw that day as another regret. Damn, it had been half a year already. Why couldn’t he just get over it? No matter what he did, he couldn’t help but remember Sportacus’s words.

“You are making a mockery of everything I believe in. Just retire, for both of our sakes.”

Those words had broken him beyond repair. He was worthless as a skater. He was worthless as a lover. Even the world’s friendliest superhero couldn’t fix him. Tears pricked at Yuuri’s eyes. Of course. He should have known not to take Sportacus’s offer. He should have known that he would only disappoint him.

Snowflakes fell softly outside Yutopia, muffling the cries of a heartbroken man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, sorry that this chapter was so damn short. I just wanted to get rid of the placeholder:^( But do not fret:^) Next chapter will introduce Robbie;^)
> 
>  
> 
> (kill me)


	3. The Milkman

If there’s one thing that Robbie Rotten hated, it was working. Well, that and Sportacus, but he didn’t really feel like thinking about the blue menace. Right now he had a much bigger problem. He didn’t have enough milk to make a cake.

Of all the days, he HAD to run out of milk on this one. The day where he’s in an incredibly foul mood because the aforementioned blue elf had failed to stick his cock up Robbie’s ass . Seriously, Sportacus had only come over three times this month! Goddamn if the villain didn’t need his daily dicking.

And now, he didn’t even have cake to help him forget about his sexual frustration. Robbie sighed. Oh well. He would just had to do it himself this time.

The villain reached under his fluffy orange chair. He grabbed the old bucket that was situated there and brought it to his lap. He unbuttoned his suspenders, exposing his pale chest. He placed a gloved hand over his left nipple and tweaked it experimentally.

“Fuuuuuuck….” It had really been too long since he last did this.

Robbie began twisting his nipple slowly, acclimating to the electrifying sensation. Soon, his right nipple was being toyed with as well. Pearly droplets of milk began splashing onto his chest. It was time.

With all former reservations gone, the villain began wholeheartedly milking his tiddies. Streams of milk riveted into the bucket as Robbie kneaded at a steady pace. Grunts and sloshing noises reverberated the room.

Robbie could feel his climax creeping up in him. He milked vigorously; pulling his nipples at an alarming pace. The milk sloshed and swirled in the bucket as the amount kept increasing. He let out loud moan as his body released the last of his juice, overflowing the bucket and spraying Robbie’s milk on the wall. 

The villain panted, overexerted from the ordeal. He realized he was too tired to actually make cake and he groaned. He lifted the bucket to his mouth and took a sip.

“Huh. Creamy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little something for the fans;^)


	4. Fanart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Fanart"


	5. An Angel In the Hot Spring???? (aka Robbie Rotten has a huge cock)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Robbie Rotten is racist against Asians. His parents died in Pearl Harbor.

GOOSH

A large splash reverberated through Yutopia, snapping Yuuri out of his miserable daze.

“Yuuri! I think something fell into the onsen!” screamed Mari.

“What the hell do you want me to do about it!?” 

“Get your fatass out the door and take care of it!

Yuuri groaned. It was probably just a raccoon, but there was no arguing with his sister. Might as well get it over it.

The skater shuffled down the hall to the onsen. He threw the door open.

“Alright you little……”

A very naked man was sleeping in the onsen. A very handsome naked man. Everything from his slick black hair to his puffy pink nipples. Fuck. Yuuri’s pants suddenly felt very tight.

Suddenly, the man yawned. He stood up and oh god his penis was huge. He turned to the skater with a disinterested expression.

“Oh. I didn’t know they allowed….your kind here at the spa.”

Yuuri sputtered. “Excuse me? What the fuck do you mean by that?”

The man sniffed. “You know...the aisan-y kind.”

The skater couldn't believe what he was hearing. “Listen here you punk,” he growled. “You can’t just check into MY inn and say that kind of stuff.”

“Wait, I’m in Japan?”

Yuuri blinked. 

“Wait...what…”

“Fuck,” groaned the mysterious man. “I knew I used too much milk in that ritual. Satan’s gonna kill me for this one…”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE!” screeched Yuuri.

“No need to yell, little asian man. I..” the man pointed to himself proudly, “am Robbie Rotten, villain extraordinaire, the brilliant, the beautiful, the brave, the…”

The skater rubbed his temples. “Can you just please explain why you’re here?”

“Oh. Right.” Robbie mumbled, looking a bit disappointed. “Well, I was preparing my monthly sacrifice to satan, and I think I used too much milk or something. So...now I’m in Japan.”

Yuuri stared at him blankly. Why did these things always have to happen to him.

Robbie coughed, breaking the awkward silence. “If you’re done staring, I’d like some clothes. I’m freezing my ass off out here.”

The skater sighed. “Fine. Wait here.”

10 minutes later the skater returned with a bathrobe (five of those minutes were spent jacking off). The naked man sneered at the fluffy article of clothing.

“Fine. I guess this will have to do.”

Robbie flicked his wrist, surrounding the robe in a purple aura. Yuuri watched in amazement as the the bathrobe was transformed into a snazzy purple suit.

“You..you have magic…” he gasped.

The villain rolled his eyes. With another flick of the wrist, he was dressed.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some quality naptime to get to.”

But before Robbie could do anything, a hand was on his wrist. A pair of sad brown eyes held his gaze.

“Wait, don’t go. Please...I’m so lonely here...d..don’t leave.”

And then Yuuri started bawling. Like, unrestricted, uncomfortable to listen to, full on cries of despair. Rotten stood there awkwardly as the Japanese man clung to him. He could feel his heart soften as he listened to the skater’s sobbing. Damn if he couldn’t understand what the kid was feeling. He’d had his own fair share of lonely nights. Robbie sighed.

“Alright kid, alright. I can stay here for a bit.” 

Yuuri looked up at the taller man, eyes bloodshot from crying.

“You..you will?” he whispered.

“Yeah. I will,” grumbled Robbie. “But you’d better get me some cake while I’m here.”

Yuuri felt hope swell in his chest for the first time in six months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember kids, don't perform satanic rituals or you might end up naked in a Japanese hot spring.


	6. End of Act 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And that brings us to the end of Act 1! Make sure to leave a kudos! Your love inspires me<3
> 
> -Gonads


	7. Yuuri's Eggcellent Adventure part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eggs are yummy

Yuuri shuddered. It was that time of the year again. He rubbed the growing bulge in his belly. It was going to be a big one. A spasm rocked the ravenette’s aching body. It was time.

It was worse than he had imagined. The pain was excruciating. It had never been this bad before. He needed someone. He needed Sportacus. The skater took a deep breath and looked to the sky. An otherworldly scream passed through his lips. Yuuri was performing the traditional mating call!

“NORMIES GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY BOARD REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

It was a true thing of beauty. Sportacus came running from his airship immediately. He kicked down his lover’s door and did a triple backflip. 

“Yuuri! I heard the call! I brought the tendies with the…..” 

Sportacus’s mouth dropped when he caught sight of his lover. And so did the tendies. Yuuri was laying on the floor; naked, bloated, and beautiful. Sportacus had never been so turned on his life.

“Yuuri, are you…..ovulating?”

“Yes,” gasped the skater. “I am...actually half bird. My mom fucked a bird. I came out of an egg.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long to come out with a chapter. i'll try better next time senpai


	8. Yuuri's Eggcellent Advendture part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have you ever had a dreams?

Suddenly, Yuuri’s water broke!

‘“oH GOD IT’S COMING!” he screeched.

“Wh..what’s coming?” stuttered a startled Sportacus.

“Hnng...me. And also possibly a baby. I told you to use protection!”

“Protection is for pussies! I like it raw!”

Before the skater could retort, a large stream of milk jetted out of his anal cavity. Onto his husband’s face. Sportacus could take no more.

“That’s it! I’m going in!” he screamed.

“SPORTACUS DON’T…”

But it was too late. The elf’s penis was already burling through Yuuri’s tight rectum.  
“Oh god Sportacus you….uhnngh don’t stop!” moaned the egg-laying boytoy.

The gymnast's dick smashed into Yuuri’s egg sac. His eggs were being pounded repeatedly by the blue offender’s roided pickle!

“Uhh...I feel like I’m having sex with a cauldron of soup. This is amazing!” whispered Sportacus.

“I...I can feel another contraction coming…” Yuuri heaved.

“You can do it, babe! Lay an egg on my dick like the bird whore you are!”

And with that eloquent statement, Yuuri gave birth. A wave of crushed egg juice gushed out of his anus, taking Sportacus along with it. They both came.

The pair of lovers, overcome with exhaustion, fell asleep on the egg covered floor. A few hours later, they were startled awake by the cries of a child. The bewildered couple turned to see an egg soaked baby in the center of the room, bawling its head off.

“Oh...you were actually serious about the baby,” muttered Sportacus, looking at the floor awkwardly.

Yuuri sighed. He got up and pulled the child into his arms. The young child’s green eyes flashed with hatred when he caught sight of his “mother.”

“Well, I guess we have to take responsibility.”

“What should we call him?” asked the elf.

“I think I’ll call him…..”

 

 

Yuri Plisetsky

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's the end of the intermission.  
> the big secret is out. how will Yuuri get out of this one? will he have to pay child support? find out next time!  
>  
> 
>  
> 
> OR IS IT


	9. just kidding x2 rickrolled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here is a shitty picture of this universe's Yuri Plisetsky that I drew just now. Born from the egg sack of Yuuri Katsuki, this young boy was brought into a world that repeatedly kept punting him over the fence. Now, he's back for revenge. And for a year's worth of child support.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he usually covers his wings with makeup.
> 
>  
> 
> this chapter has been edited so many times


	10. END OF INTERMISSION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> finally, the intermission ends. here is art of chapter 9 to celebrate.

**Author's Note:**

> Creamy!


End file.
